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Welcome to the Literary Magic Humor Page. Read the latest puns. Explore all of the available downloads (humorous ones, of course!) and jokes on the page. Enjoy!

If you have any comments or ideas for the Literary Magic Humor page, then please e-mail us at literarymagic@gmail.com.

 

Puns:

Humor for Lexophiles (lovers of words)

(Forwarded via e-mail from Anonymous, Copyright unknown.)

 

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a Day Care, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder, and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar... got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you can be repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

 

Note: These puns were forwarded via e-mail from an anonymous reader, Copyright unknown. (This is not the Copyright of Literary Magic, Copyright is either unknown or in the public domain.)

Funny, fake Advertisements:

Weight Loss Ad-Microsoft Word

Weight Loss Ad:Continued-Microsoft Word

Sleep Aid Pill (SAP) Ad-Microsoft Word

 

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